3 skinny girls
I checked my weight again at my sister’s house and I’m running at 24 lbs lost this month.
I’ve lost 17 pounds in the past few weeks. I’m convinced it’s the the drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, stress, and physical activity. I eat once or twice per day now and the rest of time is spent doing other silly things.
I mostly hate my body. I make that statement in the least irritating way possible! I put in some degree of effort when it comes to my health, and I’ve steadily seen minor changes over about the span of a year. But, it takes so long, and I’m just getting more and more self conscious…
I’m wondering what made me not care before, and now care alot… It may be a combination of these things:
- Never being raised to care
- My mom being gone, and being left with my vain family members
- Older teenage hood
Idk but I was with some guy last week and honestly, I just couldn’t feel comfortable! And that’s not the first time I’ve felt uncomfortable with someone but it was really intense and I’m wondering if it was me, or him. Or him making me feel really self conscious. I just couldn’t relax. That might just be one of those really bad PTSD flare ups too.
Sometimes I want to lose weight for myself, but other times I feel like if I do I’m letting everyone win, and I feel like a people pleaser. Not even people in general or society or whatever, but specific people. People who are just waiting for me to drop it and become “normal”.
I definitely don’t hate myself but somedays I honestly cannot stand the sight of myself. It’s rather liberating to finally say that.